Bullies or victims?

In my opinion, I think it’s very biased and quite unfair the rate at which bullies are demonized without trying to understand their back stories; hear me out, I’m not advocating for bullies neither do I support any kind of bullying. Now considering how rampant this is in schools all over the world, one might almost say it’s a part of the school experience. It’s constantly portrayed in movies and tv shows. They’re often depicted as big brawny boys (often not very bright) or as spoilt bimbos. Let’s face it this stereotype has abound long enough for one to sometimes be able to accurately guess who the bully is without difficulty. I had a classmate once who made a career out of routinely bullying this other girl who was also a classmate. It got out of hand as they once got physical and the bully put this other girl in the hospital. She was to be expelled but a couple of teachers decided to run a background check and discovered she was a victim of abuse who came out from a broken home.

Now, I’m not saying bullies who are victims of abuse or who come from broken homes get a free pass neither am I suggesting that it makes their behaviors acceptable… I just feel like most of these “bullies” have one thing or another that causes them to act the way that they do. I read an article that suggests many of them have severe self-esteem issues and use picking on those they feel superior to as a compensatory mechanism for their inadequacies.

The bully in my narrative was suspended rather than expelled, went through therapy and was successfully reintegrated into the school system. It may not always be easy or possible, but I think that a major way to combat bullying would be to psychologically evaluate said bullies and try to put them through some form of counseling or therapy in an attempt to reintegrate them into the school system. That being said, schools in general should continually sensitize their students as early and as frequently as possible to at least reduce bullying. The bulk of the work lies at home and with the individual but I guess we’ve got to start from somewhere. Don't we?

Dare to be different

            When it comes to self-esteem and activities that help to build it, I have to say African parents are lacking in this aspect regardless of the socioeconomic position of the family. The African system of child rearing is to raise the child based off of whatever values are held by the parents either biased or not. I write of “African parents” because I grew up in an African home. I realized most of the values, ideals and even sentiments are shared by majority of African parents. There’s a high chance that other cultures and races are guilty of this. I’m not saying parents are to blame per se considering they’re only raising you based off of how they were raised. Besides, there’s no manual for raising kids is there. 

            Now to the bone of contention here, every parent wants their child to be the best in school and what not but I feel they often go about this the wrong way... 

            I haven’t raised any myself so what do I know? 

I feel like most times in the quest for greatness, parents start to subconsciously superimpose their personal goals perhaps those which they were unable to achieve while they were at similar ages unto the child and mold mini versions of themselves. This may make a child to develop very low self-esteem and or possibly identity issues. I’m not saying that parents are solely responsible for self-esteem issues that individuals struggle with, I’m suggesting that bulk of the fault is from home. The worst part is that a large percentage of parents are completely oblivious to the fact that their children have self-esteem issues that stemmed from one faulty system of raising their kids or another. They mistake low self-esteem and not being able to speak up as being timid or being respectful or being “reserved”. This goes a long way in the individual’s career and personal life.

I understand the whole concept of wanting the best for your child and wanting your child to be best, but once this interest starts conflicting with the child’s personal interests, the child has become your puppet without even realizing it. This needs to be addressed as quickly as possible. My suggestion, break the cycle. You don’t have to raise your child the way you were raised. To my future parents, the power is in your hands. Dare to be different.

 

Halloween

 

  

  Each passing moment spent here reminds me of just how unique the western culture really is in its own light.So last week on the 31st of October I got a first hand experience of a celebration I had been aware of since I was a child but never really grasped the concept of until now "Halloween". Where I come from, Halloween has been misconstrued to mean the same as Satanism (essentially the worship of Satan and all that he stands for). Now before I receive any backlash I’m not coming in from a religious or sanctimonious point of view…needless to say I actually agreed with this notion up until last week.I learned all about Halloween and realized what it really stood for or what i think it stands for... Apparently the dressing up and lighting of bon fires is in line with the belief that ghost and spirits of the departed return so the bonfires and the costumes is in order to ward them off... silly me... Not that I’m not a believer in the supernatural or anything of the sort but if I learned anything from my experience, it is that it is really just another day for people to come together for a common purpose and have fun which is exactly what I and a couple of my friends did on the day. Observing certain cultures or traditions from afar off could be quite misleading and is arguably one of the leading bases for many contemporary disputes that we have in the 21st century.

    Not fully understanding a culture, a person’s or set of people’s way of life can lead many to read malicious intent into the most harmless of activities. I have been privileged to mingle with different people from different races during my stay here and respect how beautifully we are able to interact and coexist without having to appropriate the other’s way of life or even probe certain “peculiar” activities.

    I guess the basis of this write up is that we should do less scrutiny of other people's way of life. If you do not understand a person’s (or group of people’s) way of life, research extensively if it intrigues or interests you; if not so long as it doesn’t pose a threat to you or other people, leave it alone.

We shouldn’t demonize culture or tradition due to our misunderstanding of it.

Mood

     My last couple of blogs I’ve covered most of what I miss about my motherland, I’ve mostly spoken about what makes me African. My cultural heritage, the diversity that is my motherland. My stay here has been a thrilling one so far and I’m pretty sure it’s only going to get better. On close introspection I’ve come to realize just how similar we all really are… Despite the ostensible differences, we’re all fundamentally human and are prone to so many ups and downs.. 

 

    Now I’m just not exactly in a great place… My mood is all over the place, school work is getting tougher, I'm stressed, I feel terrible because I'm not used to the cold here, and I'm adjusting to my new environment. Most times it is really hard getting out of bed in the morning. I think the best thing is to step away for a while and just relax, do something fun.

     I’ll keep this short and concise; take care of your mental and physical health people. It’s probably cliché to say “health is wealth” but my people, health really is wealth.When it comes down to it, it’s all we really truly posses.It’s what gives us access to the pursuit of all our other needs and wants. Despite all this though, my innermost self keeps yelling at me to get up and keep it moving.Watch me brush myself up and take flight again with these words of encouragement to keep you going……… “We move”

My Opinion

Happiness is a goal that many people aspire to achieve. Can you really achieve happiness? ... Most people also have a strong desire to be successful in life and they tend to believe that through this word “success” that they will automatically become happier. Instead of synergy, antagonism may occur. 

When you immerse yourself in the idea of success being measured by something you can see, something tangible, whether from a social, economic or cultural standpoint, you are indeed going down the wrong path. Happiness and success can only be seen by the twinkle in your eye, the smile on your face, the difference that you made, the aura of positivity and the strength that you embody. Success is not always followed by happiness. Success is overcoming every failure and every trauma, recovering from the unimaginable things that happened to you and you coming out of the blazing fire scathed but alive. Breathing…. 

People assume that when we're happy, it brings out the best in us. When we're happy, people want to be around you because they think it cultivates “success” That is the wrong idea. If you don’t make mistakes or if you are striving for perfect, you don’t know life, you haven’t lived it. Perfect is boring, imperfect however is fierce. It is when one makes mistakes, learns from them and strives for a better self. Being aware of who you are what you want as well as what you don’t and your purpose in life is the answer to success. Success is not tangible. It can’t be seen, only felt.

For me, happiness will only come when I come to terms with what I was given. Live, love and learn, and eventually laugh again. My fate is unknown but the first step is getting to know myself accepting all that I am and striving to become better than I was yesterday.